Chipped or De-Chipped, That's the Question
by Gisele
Summary: The Initiative reappears and wants to get Spike de-chipped, to see what happens; Spike & Buffy have to deal with it.
1. Chipped

  
**Title**: _Chipped or De-Chipped, That's the Question _- Chapter 1   
**Author**: Gisele   
**Date**: 08/18/2002   
**Censor**: General   
**Spoilers**: none   
**Distribution**: If you want this fanfic on your web site, let me know first.   
**Feedback**: Appreciated.   
**E-mail**: gisele56@yahoo.com   
**Disclaimer**:_ Buffy, The Vampire Slayer_, along with all the _Buffyverse_, are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, UPN and so on. Just using the characters for fun. Please, don't sue me.   
**Summary**: The Initiative is back and wants to get Spike de-chipped, to see what happens... (An alternative universe for Season 6). SPUFFY>>> If you don't like Spike and Buffy together, don't read! 

* * *

**_Sunnydale, January 2002_**

Buffy and Spike were in his crypt, having a conversation: 

"It's the Initiative, Spike. They know that you are in love with me, they know you've changed since the chip was implanted, and now they are after you to complete the experience! You're just their guinea pig!" 

"Yeah, because to you and your beloved friends I'm much more then just a sodding guinea pig, isn't that right?" Spike said ironically. 

Buffy didn't say anything, she just lowered her head, a little ashamed, a little annoyed at the vampire impertinence. Yes, her friends — or her friend Xander — although all good things Spike had done in the last few months, still doubt that he had feelings, that he was more than just an evil soulless thing. Now, The Initiative, the organization which had implanted the chip in Spike — Hostile 17 — as a way of neutralizing him as a vampire, wanted to reverse the process: take the chip out of his brain in order to see what would happen: would Spike return to be what he was before the operation, a dangerous and mean demon, without any consideration for human life, or would the changes he had passed through be permanent, and the vampire would continue on the path of redemption, against his own nature? 

In Spike's crypt, the discussion went on. Buffy had found out the Initiative's plans and had just told her boyfriend Spike about them — yeah, the Slayer had finally admitted she loved that soulless being and had told her friends and little sis Dawn they were together. 

"You're dying to be de-chipped, aren't you, Spikey? To come back to your old ways, to the Happy Meal With Legs?" Buffy asked, her voice tone showing a little bit of sadness and apprehension. 

"That's not the point, luv. Don't you trust me? Don't you love me? Bloody hell, I've changed!" 

"Then why do you want the chip to be removed?" 

"I didn't say that I _want_ the bloody chip to be removed!" Spike said with exasperation. 

"But you didn't say you didn't want to-" 

"Buffy, luv, it isn't about the vampirism, anymore! Look, I'm complete defenseless against humans, I feel like a fly. If Warren or any of the other two idiots come after me, what am I supposed to do? Throw migraines at them, scream till you come to help me?" 

"You _want_ the chip to be removed, I knew!" yelled Buffy, disappointed. 

"And if I wanted, what'd be the problem? You don't trust me, really." 

"Spike... answer me... How about you, are you sure that if the chip is removed, you won't come back to the killing?" 

Spike stayed in silence for a while, what seemed hours to his girlfriend Buffy. 

"Luv, I'd love to say "yes", to say I'm sure. But I can't. Can't. I don't feel like drinking from a living person anymore, I don't miss it, indeed... I've never wanted to hurt you, and I could, you know. But, being honest, I don't know how it would be with other people, without the chip." 

"Then, why risk everything? Let's get the hell out of here, let's go to a place where the Initiative can't find us!" replied Buffy, almost desperate. 

"Buffy, listen to yourself! Never would you walk out on your friends, Dawn, Sunnydale! Even for me! We can't get away from the Initiative." 

"OK, OK, you're right, I couldn't quit everything and live on the lam... But they'll catch you, Spike, they won't give up..." Buffy said. 

"Maybe they've appeared in the right time, pet. We can't live with this doubt about the chip between us. And I, like I said, don't feel myself complete, I'm fragile before a human being." 

Spike was right, Buffy knew that, but in her heart she feared that, without the chip, the vampire would return to the evil ways and she would lose her true love. Eventually, she had to capitulate and accept Spike's decision of turning himself in to the Initiative, for the chip to be removed. 

"Remember, pet: whatever happened, I love you. And never, never would I hurt you, Dawn or any of your friends — not even Xander." 

"I love you, too, Spikey. It was very hard for me to accept I loved you... But you understood how hard was for a person whose job is to kill vampires to fall for one... And even now, I must confess... Yes, I'm afraid, afraid that without the chip you-" 

"It's why we need to do that, Buffy. Let's clear our way. We'll never be completely happy together with this doubt in our heads" Spike concluded. "And don't forget: I love you. Promise?" 

"I promise, Spikey. And you, don't forget I love you, too." 

Spike took Buffy in his arms and kissed her tenderly. 

*** 

Spike was laying on the operating table, dressed all in black, sleeping tight. Around him, not only were two surgeons and nurses, but also several other people, men with sinister faces, part of the high staff of the Initiative. 

The surgery to remove the chip from Spike's brain took almost 4 hours and ended successfully. Afterwards, Spike was taken to a bedroom, unconscious yet, and put in a hospital bed; Buffy was there. The relationship with the Initiative guys was cold, even rude — she knew that Spike was just a lab rat for those people and she herself was a part of the experience, too — she was the element for whom the vampire had fallen in love with and for whom he, apparently, had quit evil. It would be very interesting to know how would be the vampire's reaction to the woman he claimed to love, without the chip. 

One hour went by, until Spike finally woke up. Buffy approached him and put his left hand between her hands. 

"Hi, luv. Is it done?" asked Spike, still groggy due to the anesthesia. 

"Yeah, it's done. Are you feeling well, Spikey?" asked Buffy, a little apprehensive. 

"Good. Very good." 

"?" 

"Pet, come here, closer..." whispered Spike. 

Even not sure if it would be the right thing to do, Buffy approached her face to Spike's. He lovingly caressed her hair, the hair he so much liked, and said: 

"I love you, Buffy." 

Buffy stopped fighting back the tears; sobbing, she grabbed Spike's head, caressed his bleached hair, and kissed him with passion. 

*** 

Night came and, although already recovered from the surgery (very normal, since he was a vampire), Spike still stayed in the Initiative's secret quarters. Buffy had left to patrol — the Scoobies had called and told her that some demons were causing trouble downtown. Spike stayed under the "care" of the organization, because its staff wanted to perform some psychological tests on him. Only the next day, he was allowed to leave, and he and Buffy were told they would be monitored closely. Neither Spike (_bugger it!_, he had said), nor Buffy was pleased, but that was the price to pay to the only people who were able to perform such a complicated neurological procedure — on a vampire. 

**_Sunnydale, February 2002_**

Weeks went by. Spike and Buffy were happy and seeing each other frequently — sometimes in his crypt, sometimes in her house, where Dawn, Willow and Tara treated him fairly well. Then, the problems began. 

Several times Buffy dropped by Spike's crypt, late at night (after patrolling) and didn't find the vampire there. There were several excuses — "I was patrolling in the other side of the town", "I was visiting Clem, who lives outside Sunnydale", "I was looking for a rare herb to mix it with the pig's blood I drink" — all them not much convincing. Besides, Spike seemed far away, he was melancholic and laconic. Even his irony, his sharp tongue, were gone. Doubts arose in Buffy's mind, she thought that, maybe, his love for her hadn't survived the surgery. 

Spike's mysterious escapades didn't take long to be disclosed. There was a night that Buffy had to go on patrol far away from her house and his crypt — Xander and Willow had collected a piece of information about a vampire that had been making its meal in the other side of the town: two prostitutes were found dead, with bite marks on their necks. 

As soon as Buffy got out of the cab that had took her to the place where the bodies had been found, she sensed vampire vibes coming from an alley. She paid the taxi driver and rushed to the place. There, she had to face one of the most painful scenes of her entire life: Spike had a girl in his arms, and he was drinking from her neck. Paralyzed by shock and disbelief, the Slayer didn't do anything. She just stood there, looking, as if she was watching a terror movie on TV, it wasn't real, it was just a nightmare. Spike, at first, didn't notice her presence, so absorbed he was by that delicious meal. And when he did, he left the girl fall onto the dirty floor, dead. His face didn't show defiance, surprise, there wasn't a bit of evil in those blue eyes. What one saw in them was a deep sadness, that crossed Buffy's heart like the sharpest knife. And then Spike spoke: 

"Sorry, luv, I'm really sorry... I swear I didn't want this... I tried, I tried so hard, but my vampire nature was stronger... I love you, I've never stopped loving you, and I'll love you forever... Now, I think you must do what you come to do-" 

Spike said nothing more. He simply walked towards Buffy and leaned against the wall. Buffy, who had finally come to her senses, in tears, took a wooden stake from her pocket and threw herself towards Spike's heart. 

TO BE CONTINUED 


	2. De-Chipped

  
**Title**: _Chipped or De-Chipped, That's the Question _-- Chapter 2   
**Summary**: Spike got de-chipped, returned to his evil self and Buffy had to face the consequences. 

* * *

**_Sunnydale, October 2002_**

Dawn was leaving for Janice's, when the mailman arrived. The girl got the correspondence and came back inside, checking if there was something for her -- and there wasn't, as always. However, she noticed a letter, addressed to Buffy in a neat handwriting, with stamps from England all over it, but without a sender. Dawn immediately thought of Giles and Willow (she was living abroad, recovering from magic addition) and left the envelope on the coffee table; sure, Buffy would find it there. 

Half an hour after Dawn had left the Summer's house, Buffy came from her bedroom with a magazine in her hands, and headed for the drawing room. As soon as she got there, she took notice of the envelope that her kid sister had left on the coffee table and picked it up, with anxiety. She looked at that handwriting she knew so well, and opened it, tearing up one side of the envelope. Yes, it was from _him_. 

_Pet,_

_ It has been 235 days. Two hundred and thirty five days without you. I don't know whether you read all these letters I've been sending to you or not -- and I don't blame you if you don't, if you're throwing them away as soon as the mailman delivers them in your mailbox -- even so, it's very important to me to write these messages._   
_ I'm still fighting against my nature, this nature that make me go out several nights a week to hunt... If it counts in my favor, many times I come back to my crypt without any dead person on my conscience: I've been drinking from people, but I don't kill them, I can manage to stop before they die._   
_ Conscience... Funny, I talk about conscience, isn't it?_   
_ I do know that it doesn't mean much to you, but believe me pet, it's a huge step for me..._   
_ One day, I'll be worth of you and of your love. Then, I hope you can forgive me and take me back._   
_ Love_

_ Spike_

One more of those letters where Spike swore that he would overcome his evil nature, Buffy thought. And she remembered the night when she couldn't bring herself to kill her vampire lover in that dirty alley. She had stopped the wooden stake millimeters from Spike's heart and, very disappointed -- in Spike and herself -- she had run back home, where she locked herself in her bedroom and cried for days and days, feeling it wasn't worth doing anything. She suffered because she had lost her boyfriend, and she suffered because she had failed as a Slayer. 

Time went by, and life returned to normal again. Buffy patrolled Sunnydale (she was still the Slayer, after all), started fighting Warren, Andrew and Jonathan, took care of Dawn and went on working... at the damn DoubleMeat Palace. Indeed, hunting vampires had never given her any reward, just aches all over her body and a broken heart -- twice. And Buffy was living that dull routine when she got the first letter from Spike. Actually, it hadn't been a letter, it had been an e-mail. 

**_Back in March 2002_**

Some night, alone at home, since Willow and Tara had gone to the Bronze and Dawn was spending the weekend at Janice's, Buffy noticed that Willow had forgotten her notebook on the dinner table. Not much into computers, seldom did the Slayer check if there was messages addressed to her, to the e-mail account she and Spike had created some time ago. That night, she decided to go online, in order to see if somebody had sent her something -- which, she thought, wasn't much likely, since her only friends were the Scoobies, and they saw each other every other day. Much to her surprise, however, there was a message and its title immediately drew her attention: "Forgive me, luv." 

Buffy didn't read it that day, nor did she read the messages with similar titles she didn't stop getting in the following days. Soon, she started getting conventional letters, written by hand and sent by mail -- and these, she didn't open, too. 

However, after some time, Buffy started opening them. Each e-mail or letter was a sample of how much Spike was struggling to do the right thing, the sadness when he didn't resist his urges, the joy when he managed to overcome his blood lust. And in each one of them, he asked her to forgive him, forgive him to be a vampire without a soul. 

**_Sunnydale, December 2002_**

When almost 300 days had passed, since Spike left Sunnydale, one more letter arrived. And it was different -- it sounded as a farewell and as a new beginning, at the same time. Buffy didn't quite understand what it read. 

_ Pet, _

_ The end -- of our agony -- is near._   
_ I still have to fight hard against this crave that overcome me every night, and it seems that it will never end._   
_ But I believe I've seen a light at the end of the tunnel -- and it isn't a train!_   
_ The letters and e-mails will stop for a while -- I hope so. What I'll do, I'll do for you -- and for me, too, why not?_   
_ If you don't hear from me anymore, I want you to know I'll be fine, it doesn't matter where or how I'll be._   
_ And, above all, be sure I love you, pet._   
_ Goodbye... or see you later,_

_ Spike_

Again, a time of uncertainties for Buffy. She couldn't do anything, just wait. 

*** 

Exactly 30 days after receiving that enigmatic letter, Buffy was patrolling in the cemetery where Spike's crypt was located, when, suddenly, the vampire appeared in front of her. He was gorgeous and sexy, as always -- but he was different. His hair was still bleached, but a little longer, curly, and with dark roots. He wore khaki pants, a blue button-down shirt open over a black T-shirt, a shiny brown leather jacket, and brand-new brown shoes. In his face, one could see a little bit of sadness, but he seemed very self-assured. Buffy noticed with surprise the change in his appearance, but she didn't say anything; Spike spoke first: 

"Luv, I tried. I didn't want to kill, I wanted to care about human life, but although trying hard, I always ended up giving in to the temptation. I knew that, for me, there was no redemption... as long as I didn't have a soul. Then... I went to seek one... I went to seek a SOUL." 

Buffy still was unable to say any word. 

"I looked for a shaman in Africa... He had the power of giving souls, or rather, of returning souls to its original places... Of course, the bloody demon had its rules and he gave me a hard time... But I won, pet, I won! And now, I'm not an evil soulless thing anymore. And I need you very much, to help me to support the weight of this soul, so many things I have to atone-" 

Spike couldn't finish the phrase: Buffy ran towards him and hugged and caressed and kissed him passionately. 

And they lived happily ever after.   


  


::THE _HAPPY_ END::

  


A/N - I really don't think Spike needed a soul to be redeemed, but when I sat down to write a fic yesterday, it was this one that came out... I hope you have enjoyed and thanks to those people who have taken time to review it! 


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